Unseen Goodbye!

I met you years ago in an unknown place. I, an introvert at heart who seemed extroverted on the outside, struggled with my own confusing nature. It was then that I met you.

You came to my room in the hostel, initially as my roommate, and eventually became my friend. You took away my fear of sharing my things with strangers and gave me the confidence to enjoy life outside my home shell. This was when I had to move out of my home for further studies.

You pampered me when I needed someone, got jealous when I spoke to others, and loved me more than a lover. You guided me through every corner of darkness.

Now, when I recall you, though you are not with me, you are still in my heart in disguise. You are more than a sister and no less than a mother to me. When I tried to reach you so many times, your phone kept ringing with no response. For a year and a half, I tried contacting you, thinking you were just ignoring my calls. I blamed you for being unreachable until I learned from a mutual friend that you were no longer in this world. This happened at the same time I was struggling to survive the pandemic.

I was shocked and couldn’t believe my ears. In the hope that the news was false, I tried your number again. Suddenly, someone picked up. Just as I felt relieved to hear the phone being answered, I realized the voice was not yours.

The person on the other end informed me that you had passed away one and a half years ago. I was speechless, my voice shaky, not knowing how to react. I felt as though I had lost my mother for the second time.

I’ve always believed that whoever I love will go away from me. It’s fate!”

The poem on the same is available on https://ramyasgowda.wordpress.com/2024/05/24/unseen-goodbye/

Changing Tides!

I wonder why I have become like this. Earlier, I used to worry about every word and every action of yours. Now I am not. I wonder why I have become like this.

My whole world revolved around you. My day started with you and ended with you.

Earlier, I used to wait for your call and could not wait patiently until you called me. Now I am not. I wonder why I have become like this.

I used to value every word of yours. Sometimes, I even took your jokes seriously and acted accordingly.

Earlier, I would wait for you the whole night for dinner and would not hesitate to call you 100 times if you were a minute late. Now I am not. I wonder why I have become like this.

Now I care for myself. My words matter to me a lot. I say my piece and don’t worry much about your actions. I do my daily activities according to my comfort.

I get up early in the morning and go to bed early.

I call you once; if you don’t pick up or reject the call, I won’t call you back unless you call me. I value myself now. Now I take your serious words as jokes. I ask you once for dinner and call once if you come late.

I will have mine and sleep on time. I know you will come late, so why waste my energy? I call it realistic now.

I was not like this before. Which version of me is correct is a big question. When I valued you, you didn’t give me time.

Now that you feel ignored, sorry, I have no feelings left for you.

The poem on this is now available on https://ramyasgowda.wordpress.com/2024/05/23/changing-tides/

The Woman’s Actual Honeymoon Period – Forty – Fifty!

Recently, I finally got rid of the burden of dealing with the Inner fights between family and self love. Before that, I had bread in my mouth and lot of thoughts in my head mixing and grinding a mess.

For many years after marriage, I was trying to copup with the expectations of both the families. If ever went out then family events was the precedence.

When women over forty, have just started living for ourselves. Before marriage, my mother would say, “Wear it in your own home,” and when I wore something nice in my in-laws’ house, they would say, “She doesn’t know how to dress.” I wore whatever I brought from my parents’ house or occasionally got something new which is traditional according to the family.

Now that responsibilities are setting up and we are the decision maker I no longer have to run my mind to please the family with my dresses.

I have become somewhat free from the taunts of the inlaws family about what I bring and how I live. Infact, I stopped paying attention to these things and am now free from the emotional attachment to my parents’ home, living in my own love.

Now eagerness of conquering husband’s heart has gone and I am the queen of my heart, enjoying my own happiness. I will wear, adorn, and live as I please for a few days. No one should look at my attire and say, “Where is she going, to a fashion show?” This is just a ten-year window between forty and fifty which is a honeymoon period for us; after that, the grown-up kids will say, “This is no longer your age to wear all this.”

Wow! What a life a woman leads, judged by parents, inlaws, husband, and find finally by the kids.

The poem on same is coming soon on ramyasgowda.wordpress.com

Truth Hurts, But Relieving!

“Papa never said, ‘I don’t have money.’ Mom never said, ‘I am not well.’ I never said, ‘Today there is less salt in the food.’ We all thought if we don’t say the truth, life was easier for everyone!

Days go on, Papa never said, ‘I can’t marry you.’ Mom never said, ‘I can’t afford your clothes.’ I never said, ‘I didn’t like their decision.’ We all thought if we don’t say the truth, life was easier for everyone!

Days go on, Papa never said, ‘I can’t fulfill your needs after marriage.’ Mom never said, ‘I have to buy something for myself.’ I never said, ‘I have problems in the house where I am living.’ We all thought if we don’t say the truth, life was easier for everyone!

Life was never easy for anyone! It’s assumptions! Always tell the truth! Truth hurts, but it’s relieving!”

Radhe Radhe- Seeking Clarity for Undivided Heart

Every time I move forward, I end up back at square one. During my teens, unlike other girls, I wasn’t drawn to love but solely focused on my goals. My only clear thought was to study hard and achieve my dreams. As I grew more ambitious, my goals changed.

I excelled in my studies, and eventually, a gentle change entered my life; I got married. Marriage softened my heart, and I gave it my all, but my ambition never slept.

Then, I felt the coldness from the one I loved. My heart turned to ice, unyielding and unbreakable.

Many people tried to reach me through praise, promises, and challenges, but my pride in myself was stronger than their efforts.

Friends advised me to change, but my ethics and pride always stood in the way. The memory of my first love constantly haunted me, making me yearn to return to that love, even though we live together and there’s a distance between us.

Suddenly, someone new entered my life, seeking solace in me, bringing an unnamed feeling. I’m still bound to my first love, yet distracted by this new presence. Confused, I pray to God for guidance.

I find strength in Radha’s love for Krishna and Sita’s dedication to Rama.

Radhe Radhe, I silently plead, asking for direction and clarity on this journey.

The poem on the same is available at https://ramyasgowda.wordpress.com/2024/05/20/radhe-radhe-seeking-clarity-for-undivided-heart/

“Addressing the Erosion of Family Values and Cultural Norms in Modern Society”

I am writing to express my growing concern about the direction in which our society is heading. Recent trends suggest a troubling shift in family values, cultures, and behaviors that could have profound and long-lasting impacts.

A few people in society are seeking to lead effortless lives without any challenges. They don’t value family (parents, spouse, kids); they are self-centric, focusing solely on their physical and luxury needs. As long as their desires are met, they stay; once these desires are no longer fulfilled, they move on to another and another, continuing this pattern throughout their lives.

They refer to these relationships as marriages, which seems absurd because terms like “live-in” or “prostitution” sound inappropriate to them. When we consider their upbringing, two possibilities come to mind: either they were taught these values by their parents, or they were influenced by the environment in which they were raised.

What kind of culture will these families pass on to their children? Additionally, what about the spouses whose lives are ruined by such relationships?

I look forward to any discussions or actions that may arise from this shared concern.

Unnamed Feeling

I don’t know what to call it, This feeling stirring deep inside, Not a crush, not love, not lust, Yet it pulls us together, unbidden.

A year ago, we were strangers, Your words, just fleeting whispers, Then silence, no reasons, no regrets, But sometimes, a fleeting thought of “hi”.

When I reached out, seeking solace, You responded with warmth, No expectations, just understanding, Your words a balm, a gentle touch.

Now you say you still feel it, A connection unspoken yet strong, No demands, no ties, just respect, More than a friend, less than love.

What do we name this, this feeling? A bond beyond passion, beyond need, A silent promise to be there, No conditions, just a hand to hold.

Let’s call it a companion of the soul, An unnamed feeling, pure and serene, Guiding us through life’s uncertainties, A quiet love, unspoken but felt.

In this nameless space we dwell, An understanding deeper than words, A friendship forged in gentle hues, An unnamed feeling, forever ours.

So, let it be unnamed, Let it be a mystery of the heart, A treasure hidden in the whispers, An unnamed feeling, ours to behold.

Devotion vs willpower; The Impact creator

This is a blog about my experience in the hospital, accompanied by the charming presence of a rare flower next to my glass window where I used to sleep.

With the exhaustion of the whole day and night’s activities, whenever I sat by the window of my wardroom, I beheld a massive tree with a gigantic stem and lush leaves.

Although the tree initially seemed scary, upon closer inspection, I noticed groups of buds nestled in its multiple branches, resembling a garland.

In one of these groups, I spotted a small bloom peeking out, as if it were eager to catch my gaze. Upon careful observation, the flower’s shape evoked a sense of divinity, reminiscent of Lord Shiva guarded by multiple-headed snakes. This sensation, in turn, transported me to memories of my hometown. I recalled encountering this tree there, particularly when I would visit the Shiva temple. After the rituals, as I sat beneath the tree, its flowers would cascade down, each bearing this distinctive shape.

Every visit to the temple was an opportunity to collect these flowers, a ritual I hadn’t performed in 25 years until now, as I care for my mother-in-law in the hospital. This flower has bestowed upon me immense strength and fortitude, enabling me to tend to an immobilized person despite my own doubts and inner struggles.

Hence, this flower is known as “Nagalinga Pushpa” – the flower shaped like a Shiva Linga, guarded by multiple-headed snakes.

Traditional benefits of this tree – disclaimer

Below content is just for information and cannot be claimed as my own content.

“This flower is the state flower of puducherry. Juice made from the leaves is used to cure skin diseases and shamans of South America have even used tree parts for treating malaria. The fruit pulp can disinfect wounds and young leaves ease toothache. Fruits have hard shells which are used as utensils or containers. The bark is used to cure colds.” (Ref: http://www.dste.puducherry.gov.in)]

The poem on the same is now available on https://ramyasgowda.wordpress.com/2024/05/10/devotion-vs-nature-the-impact-creator/

Back to square one!

There was a time when I used to like something but never used to say it. But I used to get thats it.

Then I realized after some time, you should say what you feel. I used to get it.

Now it’s a time that I don’t want to say anything about what I feel. It doesn’t matter whether I make it or not.

Back to day one!

Poem on this topic is available on https://ramyasgowda.wordpress.com/2024/05/10/back-to-square-one-2/

Optimistic or Realistic

This blog is for those who are realistic in their life yet have positive mindset.

Be a positive person even though you are not one, so that people with all problems come to you for solution as if you have no problem in life.

You should look more confident among the group even though you are literally torn off from inside.

You should look like angel and the world around you like a heaven even though you are in the world of hell.

You should look so happy in life even though you are terrible in your life. Even the god should doubt his blessings.

Be positive be optimistic, even though you are practical and realistic.

The poem on the same is now available on https://ramyasgowda.wordpress.com/2024/05/06/optimistic-vs-realistic/